Posts Tagged ‘fashion’

I stole my sister’s mascara now I’m grounded for a week.

September 12, 2009

4th of September, 2009
You’re supposed to change your mascara every 3 months because it gets ridden with bacteria and you could get eye infections and the like. Crazy.
Also, the reason people die from Carbon Monoxide is because when you inhale the.. thingys.. in Carbon Monoxide you think you’re breathing in Oxygen, but you’re really inhaling things that latch onto your cells and block them so that no Oxygen can’t be carried around your body in your blood so you suffocate. That’s really scary, isn’t it?

It’s a lockout and I’m embarassed…

September 12, 2009

27th of August, 2009
Okay kids, todays lesson is a much more humbling one on my part. First of all, I am an idiot, and I am well aware of this. I may try to write like I know a thing or two, but it’s all an illusion. When it comes down to common sense, I’m useless.
Last night I went out on the town, and I locked my bedroom door and took the key with me. Came home, the key is nowhere to be found. When I asked my friends and family if by any chance they had it they all replied “Why the hell did you take your bedroom key with you in the first place?” so I’m sure that’s what you’re thinking, too. I live at home with my Mum and brother and I like to have that little bit of privacy, thank you very much! I’d rather not have people going in and out of my room willy nilly when I’m not around, y’know? So anyway, now I am locked out of my room. I have no clean clothes, no iPod, no DVDs, no books, no charger, no hair dryer or hair straightener. None of that. What’s worse is that the person who I thought I had given my keys to to mind in her bag doesn’t have them. Where the fuck are they?! We went into the place where we were out last night to see if they had found any keys – no luck. We tried every key in the house to see if it would fit the door – no luck. We took off the handle and tried to screwdrive our way outta this mess, no luck. Why am I saying we and our? Anyway, here I am. I slept on the couch last night and it looks like I will tonight, too. Yay.
So the lesson is, don’t take your keys, or anything you don’t want to risk losing, out with you unless it’s absolutely necessary! Especially if you’re going to be drinking. That’s all I’m saying. Don’t be a fool like your Auntie Nadine. I’m sure none of you need telling but whatevs, it was a lesson learned the hard way for me. Now I’m suffering for it.

Justin Trousersneck.

September 11, 2009

9th of August, 2009
This is a great one. Let’s say you’re out shopping and you see a pair of trousers you like but you don’t have time to try them on? Well, FEAR NOT! All you have to do is wrap the waist of the pants around your neck. If they wrap comfortabley around your neck, they’ll fit your waist. I know, I know, crazy isn’t it? I learned this on Big Brothers Little Brother today.