“Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know.”

September 11, 2009

20th of August, 2009
Today I learned, or it finally registered in my brain after 16 years of ignoring it, that when you’re anxious about something it’s never as bad as you think it will be. It just isn’t. No, I can’t say that. I’m sure things go wrong, but most of the time they go surprisingly smoothly. Why did I suddenly realise this, you ask? I got the MMR today, the vaccination against Measles, Mumps and Rubella. They forced everyone my age to get it again due to a recent outbreak of mumps among people my age. I had the mumps when I was younger – can you even get them twice? Must Google that.
Anyway, everything was fine and dandy on the drive to the clinic and it wasn’t until we were actually inside the building that I started to get those butterflies in my stomach. Run. Do it. You’ve had mumps, they weren’t so bad. Sure yer grand. Run for it. That’s all I was thinking. The annoying thing was that during the school year the nurses had come to our school to vaccinate my year and they gave us a consent form to fill out. Now, if you’re 16 you’re allowed to sign your own consent form. Why would they let us do this? I, of course, did not give my consent to have myself stabbed in the arm in a makeshift Nurses Office in the Home Ec Kitchen (worst place to set it up, no?) by an angry old woman who was in a pissy mood because she had to make her way out to our school for the day. No, thank you.
So anyway, this morning, I thought my legs were going to go from beneath me. I was quite the Nervous Pervis, as they say (they don’t). I walked into the room where the butchering was due to commence, accompanied by my mother of course, and sat down next to the nurse. This nurse was nice, though. That was comforting. So while she was preparing the needle she asked “Are you ready?”. I looked the other way, flinched, and I told her to go for it. All of my energy was being put into scrunching up my face as some sort of pain relief. I was ready for the worst. I was being brave, or pretending to be, at least. I felt like I was taking one for the team, in a sense. The “act confident, be confident” version of my was taking the hit so that the petrified me wouldn’t have to. Something like that anyway. And yes, as cowardly as the flinching face-scrunching me may seem, that was the brave me.
So there I was, and before I had a chance to close my eyes and imagine the worst… it was over. Just like that. I was like “Is that it?”, and then I immediately felt like an eejit.
It seems Bret Dennan has been telling me all along; “Darlin’ do not fear what you don’t really know”.

Oh hey, as of today I’ve been writing down things I learn everyday for a month. Cool.

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